Last year I took this photo at the start of the week of IWD. Despite the blatant misogyny under which we were – and still lived at that time, I felt more energy, I had more hope that things would change.
That hope has been fading, and I swear my invisible scars have become more visible. I know I am not the first to mention or feel rage fatigue. I am part of a privileged minority. I am Caucasian, educated and live in Australia – and I still feel shattered and suffocated everyday, a feeling that is exemplified by our current leadership and their failure to protect those they hold power over. I know the burdens I carry which some days make me bear incapable of moving… and cannot even begin to imagine the burdens felt by my sisters around the world born with less privilege than I.
It is not okay.
I saw a post this week on Facebook – a woman asking “is it just me, or are other women feeling this incredible rage?”
The answers given were all of support and agreement. Women sharing, some for the first time, disclosures of abuse, assault, their fears and their fury. I want to feel strength in the number of women speaking. I hope I can tomorrow. Today however I am more overwhelmed with hopelessness and hurt.
This was my response to the post:
“I am angry too. I’m sick of hurting all the time and feeling like my soul has wasted away because talking about the repeated abuse and misogyny is used against us.
I’m sick of burning inside when I can’t function because I can’t “get over it” like we are apparently supposed to.
I am sick of being angry. I’m sick of being tired of fighting.
I am sick of wanting to hate all men because they don’t all fight to stop the ones that are hurting us.
I’m tired of worrying about friends. I’m furious that the violence of others has impacted my life, and the lives of too many of us.
I’m angry that I’m crying rather than laughing. I’m angry too.”