So many people – myself included – felt alone and isolated last year. I felt as though I was on a pendulum which swung back and forth between “this time doesn’t count, you will catch up later,” and “you have lost so much time… and there isn’t much left.”
Some months ago, during this time, I wrote a rather long poem diving into my senses memories. This is a space somewhere in the depths of my heart where I occasionally retreat to. In this space I can travel through time and space to dimensions so far away and magical that it has not even occurred to me not to believe exist. This space in my heart is perhaps the one place I know of that is mine and only mine.
When I wrote this piece I did not intend it to be so long. My heart was just telling it’s story, recreating that magical place in my memories where I can still feel, taste and even smell the most special moments where I connected with the most special person. I set out to write a text message of appreciation to my friend… but there was so much more to say.
I like this piece because it, like the human heart is multi-dimensional. The 50 lines, can be divided into verses – chapters if you will – capturing different elements or moments in the story. If you then shift the beginnings and endings of the verses every so slightly, you will see another element of my experience which emphasizes and focuses on another part of the memory.
Missing the people we love is hard, and it is not one of the things that we get better at with practice. I think that our hearts when broken are less like rebuild-able lego structures, and more like spent plants with the potential to go to seed. While a lego structure can be easily rebuilt when broken, once a spent plant has gone to seed, given good soil and nurturing a new fresh stronger plant may regrow. The possibility for grown however is only possibility… like any seed when we planted – there is no way of knowing if it will germinate or how well it will grow. We can hope however.
I now consider the existence of this poem as a happy piece of personal proof that maybe if a magical field in my heart where I can store memories of happiness then maybe… just maybe – I can store hope there too.
I may one day share the entire piece – but until then…. I hope you enjoy this window in.
Josie Young 