As much as I want people to connect with and feel my work – I really hope there are people out there who do not relate to this piece. You know, those lucky, happy people who are in happy, safe, warm and enduring love. The kind of love that feels like an amazing hotel bed that you have time to enjoy for just a little longer before your alarm goes off.
But for those of us who are not in that sort of love right now…. maybe, this is a familiar feeling to you…
There is a feeling you have when your heart is hurt through mismatched humans or geography – rather than being broken through someone’s carelessness or malice. Much like when a bird loves a fish – it is beautiful, it is real, but where will the live? One soars with angels and the other swims with mermaids. The loss of such love, however ill fated, still drives deep into your heart and leaves cracks edging across your soul.
This kind of hurt feels different, to the a heartbreak born out of infidelity, spite or the death of a loved one. Why would I say that? Simply because you can do nothing but feel the hurt and wish the one you love well and wait to heal. You can’t force love and not would you want to because you want your love to be happy and you know you can’t bring them that joy. And, while they say that time heals all things ….time really drags when your heart is broken.
I wrote this piece with someone in mind – someone I love to see happy, but I can’t say there isn’t a dull thud every so often when I wish I fit into the position that would make them happy. When this happens, I have to confess I have a tendency to do things like go skinny dipping in lakes which arguably doesn’t help, but it might. I do know it doesn’t hurt.
Of course I know that the reality is that if love is unrequited then it will make no one happy – if they don’t share the love I feel then they will not make me happy, and I will be unhappy and unable to make them happy… it is a circle after all. But the rational brain does not write poetry or swim naked in lakes nor does the rational part of my brain have the capacity to pull rank over my heart.
That makes the heart hurt – but it also allows it to live free…. and time will heal the hurt.
If you feel like this is familiar… I know it will pass for you also. But until it does – may I suggest skinny dipping, music and a some kindness to yourself.
Josie Young 